Be Nice It's Tuesday


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Happy New Year

I’m not going to write something really long and elaborate today, I think there are enough people writing meaningful New Year messages and I am just one tiny voice in the massive crowd that is the internet.

But at this time of year I think it is important to look back on the past year and everything that has happened. To be grateful for all the wonderful things that have happened in our personal lives and in the world as a whole. And to reflect on the not-so-good things, and think about what we as individuals and as the human race can do to improve the societies, living conditions and political world that we are carrying forward into this new year.

I wish you all a wonderful New Year. I hope that in 2017 you will be happy, peaceful, healthy, and surrounded by love. But even if you get all of these things, I hope that we all remember to spare a thought for the people who are ill, lonely, threatened, and don’t have the luxuries and privileges which I know I often take for granted. I don’t have New Years Resolutions as such this year, but I do hope and intend to do good in whatever ways I can, and I hope you will join me on this.

Much love 🙂

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A Lack of Cheer

Hello there

You may have noticed a lack of exciting, varied, inspiring posts on this blog lately. I did say at the end of the summer that I would be posting less now I’m all busy with uni, but I had still hoped to write more than this, and I want to explain why I haven’t.

When I started this blog I was at a point in my life where I was starting to feel properly happy, on a day to day basis. It was about a year after my best friend had died, and while I hadn’t been completely, constantly upset and mourning her for that whole year, it was like her death reset my default mood. So how I felt when there was nothing happening to change my mood was just not as good as how it had been at an earlier point in my life. I was fine, but it just took that little bit more to make me happy, and didn’t take much for me to feel very sad. After breaking up with my boyfriend who I’d been heavily relying on, I had to really work to be happy again. I started really focussing on happiness in my life, I did the #100HappyDays challenge, I started this blog, and I did get to that point. I still missed my friend a lot, thought about her every day, and that often made me sad. But in general I was optimistic and cheerful. I would still have swapped my life for hers in an instant, but since that couldn’t be done, I set about loving the life which I did have. And I wrote this blog to spread that feeling, I wanted to make other people happy, and help them if they weren’t.

Lately, I’m afraid I’ve been doing not so good again. I’ve moved half way across the country and despite all the wonderful things here it doesn’t feel right. I miss that friend more than ever and think about all the things I should have done to help her all the time. Although we never spoke about her much, I miss being around people who knew her/about her, and in places where she’d been. I feel so far away from her. I can’t relate her to my life now because, like it or not, I’m an adult, life is different and I can’t know what kind of adult she would be. I miss my old friends and my old life. And that cheerful person who sees the good in everything is not me at the moment.

And the thing is, I realised what part of the problem is. I miss the way things used to be so much that a deep part of me doesn’t want to be happy and settled here, because that means accepting that the past is really gone. It was the same before; I had told her so many times that I couldn’t live without her, it seemed wrong that I was doing so. I didn’t want to close to new friends because doing so meant letting her go a little bit.

I got to the point before where I finally accepted I had to be happy. But even having realised this, I don’t feel like I can do it right now.

I am trying, but I know it has got to come from me, and it is hard. But I will get there again one day.

In the meantime I will try to keep up this blog, because I enjoy it and it helps me. However I can only write something when I’m really inspired to, and I don’t want to keep posting things which aren’t going to make people happy. I think I’ve done too much of that.

So thank you for reading. I will try to write some things which I care about and which will have some sort of positive influence, but if there are no posts for a while…well, you know why.

But don’t worry about me, I am ok, I’ve been worse, I’m just not great. I hope that you are doing better 🙂

 


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Why I Love June

09June

When I was young, free, and innocent, June was a time at school where you could relax off a bit. But for the past four (actually five, I did my first GCSE in year nine) years, June has simply meant two things. Doing exams, and finishing exams. I won’t dwell too much on the ‘doing’ of them, but finishing exams for a year is a truly amazing feeling. Especially this year, I know I’ve said it before, but nothing could have prepared me for how free and relieved I have felt from the moment I put down my pen at the end of my second General Studies exam.

For the rest of the population (in the Northern Hemisphere) June brings with it the start of Summer. Supposedly. In Britain we just have to cross our fingers then wait and see. I don’t mind ‘bad’ weather too much, but in the second half of June we have had a few truly glorious days, and I love stepping outside in shorts and sunglasses and feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, even if I have got slightly sunburned. Oops again.

In the village where I have lived my entire life, there is a weekend of celebration at the end of June, culminating in a procession on the Monday afternoon with brass band, followed by street events music all evening and ending with fireworks. As a child I just loved the day off school, walking with my friends, and getting to stay up later than usual. The older I get, the less there is for me to do often; the past few years I’ve missed the walk and haven’t taken part in much, but it means more and more to me. There’s an air of excitement all through the village, and a heightened sense of community, just like when we gather outside the pub on Christmas eve for carols. I see people who I knew when I was younger, or only see a couple of times a year, and just sitting on the wall outside my house singing hymns brings back beautiful, bittersweet memories of times spent with my best friend.

My song for June is Good Day by Ron Pope. I’ve mentioned it before, but it is one of my all time favourite, most uplifting songs. Last June I listened to it almost every morning before college and it’s just the thing to get you in the mood for facing the day and being happy.


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The Not Terrible List

Ok, so if I’m honest I’ve had a tough couple of weeks. Some stuff has happened which I’m not going to go into right now, and I have been crazy busy and under quite a lot of pressure. But over the past month or so, I’ve been trying, at the end of a particularly bad day/week, to write down just a few things that haven’t been terrible, that have actually gone so far as to cheer me up, even if only for a little while. I haven’t had time to write everything I’ve wanted to recently, but just before I go to bed I’m going to quickly share some of the things which have lately made me feel very un-terrible.

  • Talking to my Mum and Dad
  • Hugs
  • Square crumpets
  • Fitting into size 4 jeans
  • Cake
  • Gossip
  • Making myself a nice meal when i’m alone in the house
  • Tidying/cleaning
  • Walking in the rain
  • Singing Reach for Stars or Christmas Festival in the College Hall with my friends
  • Shopping trip
  • Finally finding a nice coat to buy
  • Treating myself to lemonade and a brownie because I had half an hour to kill in Town
  • Someone smiling at me as he stood back to let me go past
  • Meeting friendly strangers
  • My cat
  • My best friend ‘unfriending’ someone on Facebook because he’d upset me

That’s it for now, but I will keep making a note of good things on bad days. Have a nice week 🙂


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Right Now

Thursday 7th August, 2014. 3:45pm approx.

Right now I am here. Sitting on a little ledge of rock, slightly out of sight from the beach either side. Below my feet are swirls of water as the gentle waves crash around the rocks, the water is perfectly clear here, but further away it is light turquoise, deepening to a dark blue out in the bay. The sky above is blue, just now momentarily disturbed as an air force practice plane rumbles by. The rocks are warm where the sun strikes them, but my feet remain cool in the shade. Similarly the sun warming – hopefully not burning – my skin is contrasted by the ever-fluctuating breeze. Above the sound of the swelling sea I can make out the happy cries of families enjoying the rare day of nice Scottish weather; the steady thump of a speed boat in the bay.
I am exhausted after a night of ceilidh dancing, then adventuring round the beach and campsite with recently made friends; meeting strange people by a bonfire, then creeping to bed in that time which can’t quite be classed as late at night or early in the morning. Eventually falling asleep only to be woken less than four hours later by my family going out. But when it became apparent that I was, in fact, awake, I made the most of the morning by getting out of bed for a peaceful walk across the quiet beaches.
I’m shivering in the wind now, and the tide has been creeping higher while I’ve been writing this. There’s the sunny heat again but I feel cold just at the thought of the swim I committed to in the frigid ocean later today.
I have dried and peeling soles of feet; sand ingrained on all exposed skin; a sore back from the caravan mattress; insect bites and stings on my legs.
I am here, right now, and I am happy.

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Happy Cafe

 

Yesterday evening I came home from having a few days of holiday with two of my friends in Devon. I had a very good time, went to beaches, paddled in the sea, shopped, watched films, walked in the woods at night, generally had a laugh. The only real downside for me was getting severely sunburned on the back of my legs when my friends wanted to sun bathe, despite wearing suncream (I have very sensitive skin). Luckily that happened on our last day so it didn’t spoil the trip, but I’ve been in a lot of pain and it was tricky navigating all the stairs at college today…so the moral is, wear loads of suncream. Seriously. Even if you think you don’t need it. My friends wanted to tan so didn’t wear any but were still complaining of it hurting today.

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I mainly just wanted to share these pictures of the outside of a café and some houses I saw in a place called Westward Ho!. The café looked fairly grotty, but it was called the Happy Cafe, which made me happy, and I used that for Day 20 of my 100HappyDays. And I just liked the colours of the houses. And what I also think is awesome is that Westward Ho! is actually called Westward Ho!. With the exclamation mark. All the signposts and busses say Westward Ho!, which is just thought was so cool.

Have a Happy Friday 🙂