Be Nice It's Tuesday


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People Change

This morning I was at Church and during the Peace I turned around and saw a boy who had been in the year below me at primary school sitting a few rows behind me. He was someone I hadn’t liked at school; he was rude and annoying and not at all my kind of person. But we smiled at each other and after the service I went over and had a little chat with him. It was very basic conversation, all the usual ‘How are A-Levels going?’ ‘Are you enjoying uni?’ ‘What are you going to do next year?’, but it was nice to catch up with someone I knew so long ago, and he was really friendly and polite.

A year or so ago I wrote a post on here which was a letter to someone I had been friends with for years, but actually hadn’t liked him for most of that time, and I finally felt he’d been too horrible to me too many times, and I was done with him. But mid-way through last summer I suddenly found that we were real friends again. I’m still a bit upset to think of some of the things he said, and it took a while to trust him as a friend, but we’ve both grown up a lot since then, and what remained was a friendship which has survived through a lot. On the last night of my summer holidays I said to him that I felt bad that I’d spent so long hating him, then ended up being so sad about moving away from each other. He replied that it was probably his fault, everything that had happened, and he was sorry. It was nice to have him say that, but I didn’t need it. I’d forgiven him months earlier without even realising what was happening.

When you move away for university (I’m sure this happens other times to, but uni is rather unique in that everyone leaves and comes back at the same times), it often makes you realise a lot about your friends. I’ve been surprised by missing some friends from home more than I expected, and some who I used to be close to but can know go months without talking to. I’ve also made new friends, some amazing friends who have made me realise how badly treated I was by some of my old friends. But I still love my old friends.

But the point is, people (especially young people) change so much. This can lead to people drifting apart; there are people I was inseparable from at one time who I now haven’t seen (or wanted to see) for years. But it also leads to becoming close friends – or just friendly acquaintances – with people you once thought you couldn’t stand the sight of.

I always hate the idea that there are people I will just never see again, but that does happen in life. In these days of social media it is easy to at least keep up to date on what people are doing, which I like, but I still try to stay properly in contact with as many people as possible. I’m lucky because my family and upbringing has been such that there are a lot of people from my past I still see around. A lot of my childhood friends were the children of my parents’ friends, I live in a small village with a strong community so I see people at events throughout the year. And my large but close circle of friends has meant I stay in touch with people even when I might not choose to; for instance that friend who I saw every day even when I disliked him so much, and I still regularly see both my exs which I know would be unthinkable to many people.

But as we grow up and people move away for good I know there will be a lot of friends I lose. But while I still see people from my past I will be sure to always be open, and remember that they are not the same person they were in the past. Because I discovered this morning that even with someone you have bad memories of, there is always a special connection to people if there is history there.

This has been slightly rambling, as I have so many thoughts about friends and growing up and changing and connections with people, but I hope you were able to follow it.

And Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates it (if you don’t I wish you happiness anyway).

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My Life in Quotes #9

August 2015:
Sometimes I can’t easy see or believe; all of this nature’s too real.

Sometimes it’s not easy, to take a step outside and face the day,
‘Cause part of you forever in this place will always stay.

Bless this day, and sing, and pray, we’ll take this day, for always.

Remember when they were in reach, and all our teachers used to teach,
‘You can do anything if you put your mind to it.’
Well we put our mind to it all, but disappointment crashed the ball,
We could have done anything we just never quite knew it.

If we walk away too slowly, then we both might change our mind.

I realise, this is my last chance.

I tried to speak to you every day, but each word we spoke the wind blew away.

Set fire to my heart, then tear my world apart, just like you always do.

There they were like the picture,
There they were, they were just the same,
There they were, but he walked away and her eyes could only say

September 2015:
Never ceases to amaze me, there’s nothing like that smile.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind? For me it happens all the time.

What if, I do everything I can to win back you?

Well I don’t know where and I don’t know when,
But someday we’ll be lovers again,
I’ll see you someday before the end,
I don’t know where and I don’t know when.

But it’s my fault, I don’t care,
I can’t hate you if you’re not there,
Once you go, never, ever turn around.

And I wanted the truth but sometimes the truth hurts.

How lucky I am to have something which makes saying goodbye so hard.

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room,
Memorise what it sounded like when your dad gets home,
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said,
And all your little brother’s favourite songs,
I just realised everything I have is someday gonna be gone.

Where has the time gone, it seems to fly so fast?
One moment you’re having fun, the next its come to pass.
Days turn into yesteryear, old friends further away,
Until the moment you leave, I wish that you would stay.
So here’s to you, all our friends, surely we will meet again,
Don’t stay away too long this time.
We’ll raise a glass, maybe two, and we’ll be thinking of you,
Until our paths cross again, maybe next time.
Let’s laugh at the memories, and talk all afternoon,
Let’s remember the moments that leave us all too soon.
We’ll smile at the pictures still lingering in our minds,
When you’re reminiscing, then all you need is time.

We could do better but we must first make amends, that depends, will you be my friend?

I leave tomorrow and I don’t want to go,
Oh I love you our town, you’ll always live in my soul.

Can’t you see the sun’s sinking fast, just like they say nothing good ever lasts.

Here’s to you, fill the glass,
‘Cos the last few days have gone to fast

Goodbye little room, you’ve served me well.
I’m sorry for all the nail polish and tea I’ve spilled.
You saw my secrets, my fears, my best friend, my tears,
My loved and lost encased inside these walls,
A little girl grew up in here, she’s far too grown up to live here anymore.

So here we are, the final goodbye.
I’ve got the leave the nest but I’m not sure how to fly.
Thank you room, you’ll always be my warmest place, a home to me,
Turn off the lights and finally close the door.
A little girl grew up in here, she’s far too grown up to live here anymore

It’s not that I don’t want to wait, it’s just that I can’t bear to change,
Wherever I go, this still feels like home to me now.

So here I am in my new apartment in a big city, they just dropped me off.

Why can’t I stop thinking about you? This heart of mine aches more than it’s supposed to now.

I think it shows how hard those couple of month were for me that even now, six months later, I’m crying from reading these. As always these are quotes owned by copyright holders, not my own words, I have merely chosen them to convey a message. I recommend reading the posts in this category in order, starting here. Click here for the next instalment.


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Coming Out

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about being asexual, which was the first time I admitted it publically.
I do want people to know that I’m asexual, and last week I successfully had a conversation with one of my uni friends about it. But the other times I have tried, I’ve discovered that ‘coming out’ is not as straight-forward (haha, straight-forward) as you would imagine.
Over the summer there was a night when my friend kept telling me I was going to have loads of one-night stands at uni, and eventually I got so fed up with it that I told her and two others that I thought I was demi-sexual (I thought wrong). I explained it to them, then the conversation just moved on and non of them mentioned or even acknowledged it ever again, to the extent where I wonder if they even remember the conversation.
And then yesterday I was with four other friends from home, and they were talking about how everyone ends up wanting to be in a relationship, so I said ‘not everyone’ and guy 1 said ‘yeah, there are asexuals’ to which I said ‘well no, asexual is something different’. Guy 2 said ‘Yeah, it’s definitely different, I should know. I’m not, don’t worry, but my ex-girlfriend was’. I said ‘I am’, and got absolutely no response. They were talking about other people they knew who were asexual, so I said ‘so am I’, and again, no one noticed. I mean, I often feel like I’m not being listened to, but this was extreme. Then I realised that guy 2 was basically saying that he’d broken up with this girl because she was asexual, and they were all laughing about it, so I decided not to try again. But I literally came out to them twice and no-one noticed!
This is one of the times when I actually want to be gossiped about, I’d rather just tell one person and have it spread so everyone knows. But first I’ve got to have someone actually listen and react. So we shall see how many times I have to come out before anyone realises.

 


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Water

What I have to talk about today is not very original, but it is something that should be talked about.

On Saturday night I was at a Caledonian Ball, which was very exciting and enjoyable, but while I was there I found out there was a burst water pipe near my accommodation and the area around had no water. This didn’t at all spoil my evening, but I did keep worrying; thinking ‘But all the shops will be closed by the time we leave, I can’t buy any water’ ‘Even accepting there’d be no flush, how can I was my hands after going to the loo?’ ‘I’ll be so hung-over if I can’t have a glass of water’ ‘When will I next get a shower?’ and even ‘Surely the accommodation should have some plan for if this happens, they can’t expect us to just have no water’.

As it happened, by the time I got back a few hours later there was water – only from the taps and low pressure though – and it’s now completely fine. But before I found that out I realised that I was worrying that much about not having water for one night, when there are so many people in the world who don’t have easy access to clean water at all. It seems clichéd and obvious to say it, but I am so privileged to be able to get a drink, wash, use the toilet etc. whenever I want, without even leaving my flat. And I’ve never really appreciated that, even when I know it’s the case. But realising how much I would struggle with a few hours without water make me really think about life here less than 200 years ago when well water would have been in contact with sewage. And all the people in third world countries having to walk so far every day to get water which could kill them and their children anyway. And the water problems there have been in parts of the USA recently which I really should know more about than I do. And even close to home, all the refugees and homeless people across Europe for whom clean water is just one of the basic things which is lacking.

Every month I donate £2 to WaterAid, a charity which works to get clean water and sanitation to people in extreme poverty. It’s not much, but it’s what I can afford, and if enough people donate small amounts then it really does add up, and I hope my contribution can help to make a difference.

If you want to find out more about WaterAid, and maybe donate to them yourself, I’ve linked to their website here.

Thank you for reading, I hope you have a great day and appreciate all the water you use.