And so we are at the end of 2015.
This has been a big year for me; I turned 18, did my A-Levels, travelled to places I’d never been before, (half) moved out of my childhood home, and started university. I’ve met some amazing people, but also lost some old relationships.
I can’t say it’s been a bad year, particularly considering years I’ve had in the past, and knowing the horrors that so many people have gone through this year. But I find change very hard, and it hasn’t been the happiest year for me.
I always find New Year hard. Well, when I say always, I mean the past three since my best friend died. I used to always spend New Year with her, so there is a heightened reminder that she’s missing, that it’s almost another anniversary of her death, that I’ve gone another year without her. In a Christmas song, ‘This Time of Year’ by the band Runrig there is a line ‘Sometimes it’s hard to close a door, the future can be cold, another year has turned and you’re not here’ which always hits me quite hard.
But as well as looking back, New Year is a time for looking forward to the years ahead. But I find that hard too, the future terrifies me. I think because I spend so long wishing I could go back in time and relive or change the past, I hate the reminder that that’s not going to happen, time is constantly moving forwards and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change that.
Earlier this year I was dreading turning 18 for all the same reasons, turned 18, and I think I said something then which I had to remind myself of yesterday. There are somethings that are going to happen, you can’t do anything about it. So you can either cry and complain and wish as hard as you can that it won’t happen, or you can take the chance to celebrate and party through the pain. And I intend to once again do the latter. I’m being extra cheerful today for my Dad’s birthday, then this evening I will go to the New Years Eve Ceilidh as is my little tradition, see loads of my friends, drink, dance, and have a great time.
It’s a few years since I really made New Years Resolutions. I used to make massive lists each year, mainly things like ‘pass grade _ on my ‘cello’ or ‘settle in well at High School’, then at the end of the year I’d go back and see how well I’d done. This year I am only going to make one, and that is to always work to keep myself happy and enjoy life. I would say to make other people happy as well, but I never stopped trying to do that, the difference is you can’t do it properly unless you are happy yourself.
I wish you all a very happy New Year, I hope everyone has a fun and safe evening – above all I hope that the fears of a New Years Eve terrorist attack prove unfounded – and I hope you can overcome any and all challenges with 2016 throws at you.