Be Nice It's Tuesday


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ˈɔːkwəd

awkward (ˈɔːkwəd) adj. 1. lacking dexterity, proficiency, or skill; clumsy. 2. ungainly or inelegant in movements or posture. 3. unwieldy; difficult to use. 4. embarrassing. 5. embarrassed. 6. difficult to deal with; requiring tact. 7. dangerous or difficult.

Did you know that there is no French word for ‘awkward’? There are, of course, several English words with no direct French translation – ‘fluffy’ being another example – but what this really means is that the French would struggle to understand the concept of what ‘awkward’ really means. And obviously there are many meanings. But maybe this is why/because the British are so awkward and the French just aren’t, with their kissing stranger as a greeting, and openness about nudity. Obviously these are just stereotypes, but it cannot be denied that awkward situations are just…awkward., and there’s no other way to describe it. However much you will a situation to not be awkward, there is no stopping it. There are so many things I want to talk to my ex-boyfriend about, like ‘what happened with that girl you were going to ask out a few months ago?’ or ‘did you mean it when you drunkenly told me I shouldn’t be with my current boyfriend?’, but I know it would be too awkward to discuss with him. Or when I was at a party where I only knew two people, they both went to the bar leaving me with one of their friends, and I was having to think of things to say to him when it was too loud to properly hear his responses. That was awkward. And I knew last year that if I tried to tell a boy that I liked him it would just cause awkwardness in maths lessons for eternity (or for a few weeks until Summer, after which I’d changed classes). But I think that sometimes, and maybe this really is a British thing, people create extra awkwardness. Like when someone nearly drove into my Mum’s car in the cinema car park, we could have got out and gone to queue for the film. But we thought it would be too awkward if we were next to them in the queue, so we waited a while before going in. There was no way I could have turned to that boy in a maths lesson and told him that he was the most attractive person I’d ever had the pleasure of meeting, but when I made two new friends in my German class, I could have just asked if they were a couple, rather than spending months awkwardly trying to figure it out. Because there are some situations where, if you really try, acting confident and smiling incessantly can carry you through. And if you can laugh with someone at how awkward a moment is, then you’re on to a winner. In year 9 a friendship group was forming and, as happens when you spend all day every day with the same people, there were often times when no one had anything to say, and one of us would just say ‘sooooo…..’ and everyone else laughed. It usually didn’t change anything, but laughter is better than silence. At least then it looks like you’re getting on and chatting.
I’m fairly sure I had more of a point to make when I started writing this, but a whole happened between me beginning and finishing, and I’ve forgotten what else I was going to say. Oops, that’s awkward.

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Here comes the sun…

Yesterday morning I had some things to do in the tiny town I live near, and I was going to be walking to save on bus money and get a bit of exercise, so I’d got dressed, had breakfast, was all ready to go. I decided not to take a jacket because non would go with my top, and it looked a bit sunny, so I grabbed my sunglasses at the last minute and left. And it was boiling. Well ok, maybe not quite, but too hot to be walking in black skinny jeans.
I don’t cope very well in heat, I have pale skin which burns easily and I often find it too hot, but yesterday, aside from slight discomfort, it felt perfect to be out in the summer sun.

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I bought some new sunglasses a couple of months ago, mine had got quite scratched. When choosing them I didn’t really look at how they looked on me, I’m rubbish at fashion stuff. I went off two things, the price (playing into the Northerner cheapness stereotype), and what it was like to look through them. I generally prefer sunglasses with an orangey-pinky tint to them, and wearing my new ones yesterday did not disappoint. I’m sure everything would have looked beautiful in the sunlight anyway, but they just brought out such wonderful colours. There’s more of a contrast through sunglasses, the line between the land and the sky; the dry-stone-walls cutting across the fields; the bright foxgloves and buttercups but the roadside. It took my breath away, and I wish I’d thought to take some photos through the glasses (I’ve done that before with a sunset, it actually works as a filter).

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I love all the telegraph poles and wires stretching out across the sky, dissecting the wisps of cloud in the otherwise perfectly blue sky. (I know they’re actually telephone and electricity, but there’s something nice about the phrase telegraph pole). Delicate white butterflies and tiny birds fluttered past me, and it doesn’t even matter that I don’t know the names of the different varieties, you don’t need labels to appreciate beauty.

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I smiled and greeted all the strangers I passed in the sunshine; getting the same response lifts my heart, but I just forget about those who ignore me. It really is something to feel the warm touch of the sun on your skin after a long winter, knowing that summer is truly here, even if it only lasts for a day or two.

I hope where ever you are you’re enjoying the weather you have – let me know in the comments what it’s like where you are 🙂


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Little Princess

At Primary School I had about shoulder length hair (once I’d managed to grow it out of the bob it’d been kept in before I had any say in the matter), and I always wanted it longer but wasn’t allowed. When I was about 9 or 10 my Mum asked the hairdresser to cut it shorter. She still maintains that it wasn’t too short, but I remember it being very short – I called it my mini hair – and I was so upset about it that my Mum agreed that from then on I could chose when to get my hair cut and how I wanted it doing and she wouldn’t have a say any more. I didn’t go to the hairdressers for at least a year after that, until it had grown, and since then I’ve only gone once or twice a year to have an inch or two removed, so needless to say it got rather long in those 8 years.

But I decided that this summer I was going to cut a lot of it off to donate to the Little Princess Trust, which is a charity which gives wigs to children who’ve lost their hair due to cancer treatment. I was a bit torn because I wanted it shorter as it had started to get in the way a bit, but I didn’t want it as short as it would have to be to donate. However, I decided to just go for it, so on Saturday I cut just over 7” from my hair.

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I then went to get it cut properly and evened out, so it is now very (for me) short, and to be honest I do not like it. But I just keep reminding myself that it will help other people, it’s a good cause, and it’s just hair, it will grow back. Hopefully quickly.

What else is new in my life? I didn’t get that job, which is a shame, but I was quite relieved. I’ve been relaxing, adjusting to the fact that when my parents ask what I’m going to do today, I don’t need to automatically answer ‘work’, seeing friends, and doing other stuff from my list. Yesterday I also finished making this pompom rug, which I mentioned I’d started in a post a while ago. I was going to do a tutorial on it, but never got round to it. Basically I made loads of pompoms then sewed them onto some think felt (I think it used to be a table cloth underlay), they have to be really squashed up so it’s quite small, but nice to have to sit on when I’m using my laptop from my bedroom floor.

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Think that’s it for now, have a lovely day 🙂


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Why I Love May

08May

May brings with it many opportunities for gardening. I love planting flowers, watching them grow and seeing the garden change everyday. Our garden is one of my Mum’s greatest prides, and I have always enjoyed helping her out, although in recent years I’ve not been able to do that as much, as I’ve had to focus on exams.
That brings me on to another big thing about May, exams. Now even I can’t say I love exams, they are tough. But it is good to get on Study Leave and have a bit of space. Also, by the beginning of May I kind of just want to get the exams started, rather than the frustrating revising-but-not-wanting-to-run-out-of-work-too-soon.
Around this time of year I always have an urge to go out doing exercise and get fit. Needless to say, I always manage to overcome this urge when TV and cake are on offer, but it is nice to go outside a bit without several layers of coat.
May also contains what is probably the second most expensive day of the year for me; the Birthdays of my Mum and two best friends, all on the same day. This year especially was a big one, with my friends turning 18, but it’s always worth the money when I see them enjoying the presents I’ve spent so long planning (and wishing I could keep for myself).

I apparently have many songs for May, and have struggled to narrow it down, but in the end it had to be Maymorning by Runrig. It’s a great song and reminds me of May for obvious reasons, and this video was especially fitting as the photos are from where my Mum, with her May Birthday and gardening times, grew up.


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Marrying your Dad

Psychologically speaking, people are often likely to marry people who are similar to their parents. A lot of people disagree with this or say that it’s weird, but I personally think it makes perfect sense. I don’t agree with all the Freudian nonsense of children wanting to sleep with their parents, castration fear, etc. etc., but it when you grow up and get married, in a way your spouse does replace the role your parents played when you were younger. You live with them, tell them everything, ask for their advice, they look after you. Obviously it’s not all the same, but there are similarities. And also, generally speaking your parents marriage/relationship is where you first learn about relationships, so it often becomes your internal template of what you subconsciously are looking for in a partner.

When I was with my ex-boyfriend I used to often point out things he did which were like my Dad, things from them both telling the exact same terrible joke, to when were on DofE and he was taking charge of the map. He never liked me saying that, thought it was creepy, but I didn’t. There were enough differences for it to not actually be like I was dating my own Father, but my Dad is one of the coolest guys I know. He is a great man, husband and Father, I generally get on with him very well, and I will be happy if I can find someone like him to one day marry.

Today is Fathers’ Day in the UK, USA and Canada, so I hope any Dads reading this are having a great day and being treated by your children 🙂


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Why I Love April

07April

The stereo-type of April is April Showers, all drizzly and damp. But it seems to me that April often has quite nice weather really. Not consistently, but we usually get the first properly warm week or so of the year. And even when it does rain, it’s warmer and I don’t mind it too much (although I did more when i had to walk top and from school every day).

For me, April is a big month, with it being my Birthday. For a couple of years it was even more so when mine and my then-boyfriend’s Birthdays and our anniversary were all in April, this year my focus was back on mine (but I did still enjoy his party). I always enjoy my Birthday (who doesn’t?), due to weekends and Easter holidays I’ve only ever had a few of my Birthdays on a school day, so I generally open presents in the morning, see family or friends, get to choose what I want for tea, I usually have a party some time around my Birthday, all very nice. But this year was a very big one, my 18th, and my parents went all out. My Nana came to stay, one of my sisters came home, on the day before my Birthday we all (my boyfriend too) went on a surprise (for me) trip to Manchester where my other sister, who’d told me she couldn’t come home, met us (that was one surprise which I did guess slightly before), we had a meal in a fancy restaurant, then went to see Jesus Christ Superstar. On my Birthday itself two of my cousins and various family friends came round. And then the following weekend it was my party, I had a ceilidh with loads of my friends which was great fun, although I drank slightly too much. The only slight downside is, as my sister pointed out, this was probably the biggest Birthday I’ll ever have in terms of parties and the very generous presents I got, so all my future Aprils may not be quite so full of celebration.

Of course Easter usually happens in April, which I always enjoy, and the holidays are a welcome, chocolate-filled break.

My song for April is my  favourite Easter song from when I was at Primary School, Now The Green Blade Rises.


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Things I Like About Myself Tag

I was tagged by the lovely Don’tBurstMyBubble to simply list 8 things I like about myself, so here goes:

  1. I am a kind, polite and thoughtful person who cares about other people and things like the environment.
  2. I am clever and good at a range of things from maths to languages to art and music.
  3. Even after being told to give up on my dream, I’ve managed to turn my hobby into a small (tiny) business and even had jewellery commissioned by someone I didn’t know personally.
  4. I’m very organised.
  5. I daydream constantly and can happily spend time on my own, doing nothing except imagining.
  6. I get very passionate about things. Many people seem to find this something to mock, but I don’t care because it’s who I am.
  7. I’m not really a strong person, but when the worst happened to me I didn’t sink, and I have managed to get myself from the lowest I’ve ever been to the point where I can keep myself happy for most of the time, which is probably my greatest achievement.
  8. And finally, I am very good at judging myself honestly. In the same way that I know I look reasonably nice most the time, rubbish sometimes but great sometimes, I know I am not all good, but I recognise the good things about myself enough to make this list.

Doing this list has made me feel really good about myself, so I would recommend everyone does this. In fact, I said in my last post about how much I’d like people to comment more, if you are reading this then I challenge you to leave a comment with at least three things you like about yourself. It’s not boasting, it’s being honest and giving yourself the boost which I’m sure you all deserve 🙂