Be Nice It's Tuesday


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Why I Love October

October¬†October is really the centre of autumn, so it’s hardly surprising that a lot of what I like about October is the autumn leaves. I love the graceful way they depart their branches and dance and swirl their way to the ground, just waiting to be stepped on and give that satisfying crunch underfoot. And there are such beautiful colours; the reds and browns, all with a golden glow, and punctured every now and again by bursts of colour from the last late summer flowers. I’ve always loved my sisters’ birthday, even when I was young and you might think I’d be jealous that all the attention was on them, I still enjoyed being able to give them a special day, because they both deserve it. This year they turned 21 and came home to celebrate. It was a very rushed weekend, but so nice to have the family all together. This year has been the third time I’ve gone on a school/college abroad in October, and they’ve all been amazing experiences This year it was to Berlin, and though it was strange going away without all the instruments – previously I’ve gone on music department trips – I was still with one of my best friends and, like in Salzburg four years ago (four years, wow), I met some new, really great people. And then of course there’s October half term, this is my last one of those. I’m really going to miss this week off. Despite all the work I’ve got to do in it this year, it’s still always a welcome break from the busyness of settling back into life at school or college. I love the blinding sun shining low in the sky, which this year, now I’m learning to drive, is causing me real problems, and I love the clocks changing back to leave us with darkening evenings, perfect for getting cosy in front of the TV. Finally I love the palpable excitement of kids going trick or treating for Hallowe’en, and I’m hoping that this year someone actually knocks on our door.

My song for October I couldn’t find on YouTube to link to it, but it’s called ‘She Dreams’ by Colcannon. It does contain the word ‘autumn’, but it’s not just that, there’s something else about it which just feels to me like it’s the colours of autumn. I also remember singing it to myself in the playground at primary school, and if my memory serves me correctly, that was the moment when I decided I loved autumn. So if you can find the song anywhere, I’d say it is definitely worth a listen.

Have a happy Friday and Happy Hallowe’en everyone ūüôā

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Why I Love Months

The other day I went out for a walk and I was thinking about how much I love Autumn, and would like to write about it. But then I was thinking that I love all the seasons. But actually a season is quite a broad thing, they’re all about change, and it’s a long time to write about all in one go. On my walk I was also thinking about how, all being well, by next October I will be off at University somewhere, and I won’t be able to go for a wander through those familiar paths and fields whenever I feel like it.
So I decided that this year I am going to write a specific blog post at the end of each month, following a set pattern. I will write about all the general things about that month which I always like, because every month is amazing for different reasons. Then I will write about what I’ve done in that month this year, so I can look back and remember my last year of being a child and living at home. I’ll include a song which for whatever reason always makes me think of that month because music plays such a big role in my life. And every month I will take a picture from the same place of my favourite walk, so we can see how the view changes over the year, and so wherever I am next year, I know what it is¬†be like at home.


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Somebody New

There is a song by Scouting For Girls called Somebody New, and one line in this is You don’t just fall out of love, you wait ’till you find someone else. I used to find this line strange; I interpreted it to be saying you’d still be in love with one person, then you’d meet someone else and fall in love with them, and I disagreed with this. I though, of course you can stop being in love with one person without being in love with someone else. But now I think a little differently.
Now I don’t know what¬†the band¬†meant by what they wrote, but my interpretation of the line has recently changed, and it’s all to do with me realising the difference between getting over someone, and moving on. I broke up with my boyfriend in April, so I haven’t been in love with him for a long time. I got over him. But, although we remained friends, there was always still something weird, I still thought of him differently to other friends, he was still the boy I’d spent two years in a relationship with. I had crushes on other guys, but I hadn’t properly moved on from him. Until last week. And now, straight away, when I think of my ex-boyfriend, I just can’t connect the fact that I was ever in love with him, that he was such a big part of my life.
I now this that what that line is saying is that you don’t¬†only¬†fall out of love, that then has to be followed by the next stage, finding somebody new. So while I am not saying that anyone who goes through a break up should just immediately go on the rebound, if you’re wondering why you still think about someone even when you’re over them, that might be why.

Have a nice day ūüôā


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No Words

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“Never any more war! Friendship for the people”

I’ve just come home from a week in Northern France and Berlin on a college History and German trip. I had an amazing time, but there were some very sobering moments. We visited WWI sites and cemeteries, various memorials to different conflicts, a concentration camp and the Stasi Museum.
I felt the need to¬†write about the needlessness of the deaths at Verdun. The fact that they are still finding bones which could be French or German, we don’t know and it doesn’t matter because they’re human beings who were sent to kill and die. The horror that must have been felt by the soldiers at Mametz Wood. The rows of British names and ranks – those which were identified – on identical white stones, given so much more respect than the German men were. The somewhat worse personality of the WWII cemetery, where the messages from families remind you that these were all people, with lives which were ended so soon. The stark dismal view of Sachsenhausen concentration camp on a grey day. The melancholy trees which now grow on the tracks where thousands of Jews were once sent off to their fate. The mass of information which a state managed to gather about it’s people through terrorising and invasion of privacy. Everywhere these reminders of what humans are capable of doing to each other.
I felt the need to¬†write about how and why all these things happened, but I don’t know. I can’t comprehend the suffering and violence and¬†horror that people went through. And I can’t get my head round the people who made the decisions, gave the orders. And it’s hard to admit that I would have been one of those people who saw it all happen, but merely watched, and kept quiet.
As I stood on these irrelevant patches of earth, on insignificant Autumn days, I felt the need to write, to explain, to find meaning. But  there were no words.
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Morning

IMG_0158I really struggle to wake up in the morning. I don’t tend to go to bed¬†too¬†late, but not very early either, and I often don’t sleep very well. And while I know many people have earlier starts than me, this term I have been struggling with getting up before 7 five days a week, and 8 am starts most Saturdays and Sundays.IMG_0174But once I’ve forced myself out of bed and got out the house – usually managing to fit in breakfast – there’s something I really love about mornings.

IMG_0179For the past few weeks sunrise here has been around 7:30; the time I’m leaving to get the bus. And I often have to wait a few minutes at the bus stop, so on some of the particularly beautiful mornings I’ve been taking some quick photos, which I thought I’d share.IMG_0180There have been some horribly dark, rainy mornings, but time and again I am struck by the astounding beauty of the colours, and shapes of clouds, and how much the same view can change from day to day. It give me a peaceful, fulfilling start to the day and makes the early start worthwhile.¬†IMG_0205This morning I saw even more stunning skies whilst on the bus journey. Unfortunately taking photos out of the window doesn’t work, but it still filled me with indescribable joy. It may have distracted me from my German vocab learning; if it had been a plain sky I may have remembered in this afternoon’s test that an-passen means to adapt, but nonetheless it got my day off to a good start.IMG_0217 - Copy


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Finding the Right People

In my last post (you should read that before this one), I wrote about the importance of being yourself. But it’s not always that easy. For me, that turning point in Salzburg only came because I found the right people, friends who liked me for who I actually was, so it was easy for me to be me. But what about when, in your school or workplace or wherever you have to spend your time, the ‘right people’ for you aren’t there? Do you just give up and do whatever you have to in order to fit in with the people around you? Or do you just accept loneliness and isolation, only finding comfort in the knowledge that at least you’re still being you?
I mentioned that really close music block group of friends I had. It’s now two years since that group was really at it’s prime. Of the three best friends I had before the trip one is now dead. One I drifted apart from and haven’t spoken to in over a year. One I’m still close to but she has other friends and recently got a job so we don’t see enough of each other. And as for the rest of the music group, one is now my ex-boyfriend. One has a new boyfriend, a great guy, but they only really have time for one another. One doesn’t seem to like making conversation. One is forever making groups of close friends, then forgetting about them as soon as meets new people. Several I often find extremely difficult to be around, as I no longer fit in with them so much. Because I don’t like constant negativity. I find offensive jokes offensive, not funny. I get sick of them thinking they are superior to everyone else, and the ‘joking around’ which always gets taken too far. And from how often I get left out of things, my guess is they would agree that I don’t really fit in any more.
Before this sounds too tragic, I do have friends. There¬†are many¬†people who are automatically my friends because we hang around in the same group at college. There are people I¬†talk to in lessons, and at orchestra and wherever else I¬†go. People don’t, as far as I’m aware, dislike me. I just don’t feel like there’s a group into which I really, completely fit, not many people I’m close enough to to always be included. I’m here desperately being myself, but it’s not getting me anywhere.
So what do you do? I don’t really know to be honest. I can’t say what’s the best way to cope in situations where you feel lonely or left out, there is no right or wrong way to behave. I just try to be me, and to be as good a friend as I can to anyone who whats it.


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How I Learnt My Lesson

That you should always be yourself, and not change to make other people like you is not a very original or unique message, but it is a lesson which I think I learnt at a very specific time in my life.
When I was in year 8 at school, I had three very close friends. I had other people I got on alright with, but only because they happened to be around. I also had a crush on a fairly ‘popular’ guy in my year, and I desperately wanted to be part of his ‘cool’ group and for him to like me. But I just didn’t fit in, and I see now that it got to the point where I was always so scared of saying the wrong, or ‘uncool’ thing, particularly when people were chatting in lessons, that I just said nothing at all, and I hid who I was.
All of this changed in October 2010, when I went on a school music department trip to Salzburg. It was a week long trip – most of it¬†spent on the coach – which pretty much changed my life. I was with these three friends, but we also improved some other existing friendships and, crucially, suddenly started being friends with a group of boys about whom I’m afraid to say I had always been rather rude; laughing at how weird they were.¬†But I’d only been seeing them from the outside. I realised they were actually nice, funny guys. More importantly I realised that I was ‘weird’ too, but that there is nothing wrong with that. And I learnt how happy it made me to be able to just say whatever came into my head, to laugh uncontrollably at things like cream being served on a side plate (you had to be there), and to walk around singing at loud, not caring who can hear you. This continued once we all got back to school and started spending all our breaks an lunchtimes hanging out in the music block. I got close to all of those people. A few more people joined us, including one who would become my boyfriend, who knew as close to ‘the real me’ as almost anyone ever has, and somehow still liked me.
After Salzburg, once I’d found the right people to be friends with, I stopped caring about being popular. I still had a stupid crush on that guy, ¬†but that went eventually. I didn’t care hat anyone thought of me; I possibly went a bit over-board as I fear it may have led to me often acting rather inconsiderately in public. But I learnt how important it is to be yourself, and although I’m still working on that, and still act slightly differently depending on who I’m with, it is a lesson which I carry with me to this day.